Today I was tagged in a friends post on Instagram. It was one of those, "write ten things about yourself - then tag others to do the same" kind of posts. And at first, I was intrigued as to what I would actually write…I wasn't even sure if I knew ten things about myself! But once I began writing, it seemed that I could probably continue writing for a long while.
This may sound completely self indulgent to do; egotistical, proud or selfish even. However, I actually found it very therapeutic, enlightening and uplifting. I've been having a lot of trouble with myself lately - fighting with my mind and my self. Which is never a pleasant or positive headspace to be in. And this kind of recognition and acceptance gave me the awakening I needed to stop being so self obsessed by sitting in my own sorrows and to realise how great my life has been and is - BECAUSE of all the weird, whacky, wild and wonderful things that have shaped it.
I'm hoping (fingers crossed), that you, yes YOU, reading this right now, can read it, absorb bits and pieces that resonate with you, open your mind to some of the things about yourself and your own lives you may not even have realised, and use that to become more optimistic about your own selves and life. I'm overwhelmed about how many things I am able to discover about myself, just by writing down small dot points. And I really encourage you to try it for yourself… Become more self aware and conscious.
Perhaps go and write your own list.. The points don't have to be deep and meaningful. Part of the delicate beauty of this little personal challenge is to discover those minor aspects, habits and rituals you have that you didn't previously notice you possessed. Or even just go through my list and mentally distinguish what things you are similar or different in. Allow your mind to run free, wild one...
- Yellow makes me happy. Turquoise makes me calm
- I find the smell of lavender soothing
- My personal scent/perfume is Coco Chanel Mademoiselle
- I find cute smiles on boys irresistible!
- Hot food makes me cosy
- Sometimes I feel like I can help everyone but myself
- Sunflowers are my favourite flower
- I have no idea what happened to my favourite pair of denim shorts. I last saw them when I was about eight years old. They were daggy and had embroidered flowers on the pockets
- I scrunch my toilet paper
- I prefer tea over coffee (just regular tea, not the "teatox" fads)
- My pet peeve is people showing up to see me unexpectedly
- Spicy food is the devil
- My favourite TV shows ever are FRIENDS, Gossip Girl, Modern Family and Bones
- I am incredibly empathetic - this is both my biggest blessing, and deepest burden
- I have never finished a shampoo and conditioner bottle at the same time. I have discovered that I have a 1:3 shampoo to conditioner usage ratio.
- My hands and feet are usually freezing cold
- I love the burning sensation of tea when it is too hot. My tongue disagrees.
- I will normally go for comfort over style. And if I could only ever wear bikinis, I would
- When I was younger I was TERRIFIED of dogs. I attempted to jump onto a moving fan in the classroom in year 2 because the neighbour's dog came into our classroom.It was a small, fluffy, white ball of slobbery kisses. I used to sit at my fly screen door talking to our dog who was on the other side. When she came close though I'd crawl away and scream. I'm pretty sure I left her emotionally scarred. Mum one day locked me outside until I patted her. It took me a few hours but once I did it, she became my best friend.
- My fondest childhood memories are on trampolines with friends
- I've only ever had one "real" boyfriend, and it only lasted 5 weeks
- Twice in my life have I had "WOW" kisses
- I grab the skin on my neck when I'm stressed or anxious - before races and competitions especially
- I pull out my eye lashes when I am overtly tired, frustrated or stressed. It's a very bad habit that I have had my entire life that I am trying to stop
- I was vegan for a year in 2009/10
- I used to be part of the "Baby Born Club" my neighbour and I made up when I was little
- Chasing around my brothers' friends with a baseball bat in my undies was something I thought was funny
- I had an irrational fear of waves (the beach) and going backwards when I was around the age of 7-10. I would scream and throw tantrums if the waves were larger than my ankles. And my fear of flipping backwards in gymnastics became so bad at one stage I was scared to walk backwards. I did hypnotherapy treatment for both of these fears and soon became addicted to the surf, but never fully recovered from my fear of flipping backwards. To this day it still brings me anxiety to even THINK of flipping over my head backwards.
- My ipod is currently locked in the washing machine. which is inconvenient because the washing machine is on, and doing a load of towels
- When I was younger I painted three of my walls a deep pink. "Wedding Sari" was it's name. I wanted to paint the fourth wall too, but it was cupboards, and my carpet was also already pink..
- I have a tendency to become obsessed with silly things
- I grind my teeth when I count in my head
- I count the number of letter in words
- I hate when horizons are on an angle (photographs etc)
- I clearly have OCD about random things ^
- Three years ago, all I wanted to do was sleep. I anchored myself to my bed because I believe sleeping was a means to escape facing reality, and I enjoyed drowning myself in self-pity and my own depression. Now I dread the darkness and want there to be an eternal daylight - I want to fill up my days with new and exciting things
- Curly fonts frustrate me… Open Sans and Arial are the only fonts that I can constantly tolerate
- The cold makes me wired, edgy, moody and tense. I am not my normal self when I am cold. And I honestly believe it effects me in an abnormal manner.
- I've never received flowers other than for my last birthday
- No one other than family has ever said they love me, and I have said it to one person
- I become very competitive when I begin moving. Even if I am working out alone, I like to make up challenges in my head to push myself.
- I’m addicted to tomato sauce – I’ve always eaten food with my sauce, instead of sauce with my food
- My Mum used to know when I was actually sick because I didn’t feel like ice-cream
- I always loved that Mum got us to drink loads of apple juice and lemonade when we were sick…to keep our sugar/energy levels up!
- I would dress up in my Mums silk nightgowns when I was little. They would drape past the floor and I would trip over them but they made me feel really special
- Chinese dinner whilst watching “The Sound of Music” was a ritual when I was young. Dad would take my brothers to watch the monster trucks and Mum and I would sit on the couch, brush each others hair, drink out of champagne glasses and eat Chinese food with chop sticks…I still can’t use chop sticks properly, but I liked trying to eat with them anyway. I used to love to “toast” with wine glasses on special occasions, and say “Cheese TV” (cheers)
- Mum would always scrunch my hair upwards when it was damp after a shower…it made it curly and I think it may have something to do with why my hair is the way it is today.
- Whenever “Malcolm and the Middle” theme song came on our whole family would sing it
- My older brother and I were best of friends until I was about six. He used to read be bedtime stories, even when I had the chicken pox he wanted to tuck me in. Then for ten years we became enemies. We made life hell for my parents and couldn’t be taken out in public together because we would fight so much. Now we’re closer than ever.
- My punishment when I was young was to wear my brother’s hand-me-down tracksuits. I was the worlds biggest princess, and would ONLY wear dresses. That HAD to have either ribbons, lace or flowers on it. .so being forced to wear a tracksuit to pre-school mortified me.
- I was convinced I could only fall asleep in the car if I was on a certain side
- I once sleep-walked and put my swimmers for training the next morning on, with my school uniform on top
- I cried when I had to wear a skirt below my knees when I transferred to a private school. Not because of what others would think of me, but because I have always had crazy and irrational rituals regarding how long the clothes I wear have to be. 7/8th’s still make me twitch. And a dress/skirt that is not the full way to the ground makes me cringe.
- I have to set multiple alarms to get up in the morning. I am getting a little better lately, but I used to have to set 8!
- I regret ever dyeing my hair brown. I was blonde when I was younger, and it was also extremely sun bleached from always being at the beach. I am sure it would probably have darkened by now anyway, but I would love to know how I would look if I always stayed blonde
- My Mum has the world’s best cooking. I find myself missing her cooking an awful lot now I don’t live at home
- I predicted the Bali bombings before they happened. I still scare myself with that.
- I used to shower in my swimmers because I was the worlds biggest prude!
- I once had a surf life saving board run up my hoo-ha! It was bruised for months and I had to have a male doctor inspect and touch the swelling around it. I was just starting puberty so had never felt more uncomfortable.
- I prefer spirals over bow pasta.
- I have an obsession with prime white. It has to be bright white, not dull, off, or cream. Weird I know. The walls where I live now are off white, and it actually makes me unsettled.
- My hair wasn't long enough for a ponytail till I was about 8! It was far too fine, whispy and fair - Mum called it "fairy hair"
- I have a birthmark on the back of my left knee - I first found it when I was eating a banana in the car. I dropped some banana and thought it had left a stain on my skin.
- I love anything high-waisted
- I never understood gladiator sandals as a phase.
- I have only ever admitted my true dream/goal/aspiration to two people
- I'm terrified of failure. I'm so competitive that I can become unable to do anything because I overthink it and the stress actually temporarily paralyses me
- I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. It is a skill.
Writing this list has made me realise how crazy and OCD I am about a lot of things ...
Love and light,
Sjana x