First of all, there is no “easy” way to get over someone.. And that’s how you know that what you had and what you felt was real. You’re going to hurt. But you’re also not going to hurt forever.. And personally I think that what defines a persons character; how they manage to bounce back up when everything is pushing them down; their resilience.
Different ways of getting over people work for different people - some eat junk for a few days, and the sugar helps them feel better (for a while), some get really motivated about improving themselves (running, fitness, reading, knowledge based etc), some gossip madly for a while and never quite get over it, some move on straight away and try convince themselves they never felt anything for the person and some try to make them jealous by getting with lots of other people (resulting in an even lower self esteem because they are placing themselves in vulnerable positions and enabling people to use them and play around with their emotions even more).
I’d suggest the 12 day rule. You’re allowed 12 days to wallow in your misery. Cry, sulk, do whatever you like. But if he has moved on - you need to too.. (sometimes reality is harsh that way, but everytime a window is closed, a door is also opened. Sometimes good things fall apart, for something even better to fall into place)
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Use your girlfriends - they would love to comfort you over some chocolate and tea and good movies I bet!
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Avoid alcohol, as this will more than likely result in you making stupid choices involving him and more than likely your phone hhaha:)
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Watch romantic movies that make you even more upset and cry even more, the venting of the emotions in this stage is healthy and normal! If you keep your feelings bottled up it could come back at you negatively later on.
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I know it’s hard, but try to do what’s right for your body! Eat well. Yeah have the goddam cake or the chocolate if you feel like it, but just remember that eating won’t fill the hole you have inside of you. That hole can only be filled by your own happiness. And that will only happen when you let it, after you’ve recovered and grieved.
And after twelve days. Its a completely new slate. Fresh start. Nothing that mattered is relevant anymore and you are a new person; stronger, more experienced and knowledgeable. You’ve learnt from the past and are ready to move on with your life, to find something even better:)
You need to stop ALL communication with the boy/partner. Even the slightest bit of communication could cause all those feelings to come rushing back! Resist the temptation – you know it’s bad for you, don’t indulge in those behaviours. Let this strength make you feel good, powerful and independent rather than negative and upset with your choices.
Don’t expect any of this to be easy.. It’s all about time! It’s like an open wound – with the right treatment, it will heal. But it will leave a scar. After a while the scar doesn’t hurt, but it does leave a memory of your past, and it’s fine if you occasionally look at the scar and remember the experiences that came with it, but recognize that you can’t change the past and what’s done is done.
In all of this, remember that you will always love each other if you loved each other at one stage or another. You can’t just stop loving someone.. But you can stop being IN love with them. The fact that you care for them and them for you is a beautiful thing. And maybe one day down the track it will be the foundation for a solid friendship – but NOT until you feel you are really ready to put yourself in that situation – remembering that if you are jealous AT ALL, or feel even slightly hurt thinking of them with someone else, then you are not over them and you do need more time.. (This could take years, be patient)
One of the main things you DON’T want to do, is throw yourself at other people to try to “prove” to your ex that you have moved on and are over them. That you are “better without them”. It will go 1 of two ways: 1. You’ll look silly. They realize you are only doing it to try hurt them, make them jealous and realize what they are missing out on. In most cases, this option just makes you look desperate and sad. It also often makes you decide to make choices you will later regret as some go to far trying to prove a point (whether it’s too far sexually, or you intentionally do stuff with someone you know will piss them – a friend or relative etc). As you can guess, this creates so much more drama than necessary and shouldn’t be desired.
OR 2. You hurt them too much. Depending on their personality type, they may or may not show their feelings. Some people hide them very very well, you may continue to try to make them jealous, when really you’re just hurting them and pushing them even further. If you loved them, you would care about them and would never intentionally do that if you knew it was having that effect on them. So just be careful and think about how your actions might affect others in your life before you act on impulse
For a while, you will feel lost, insecure and very confused about even general things like what to do in the morning, or who to talk to about things you noramally only confided in your partner about. This is normal, it’s an odd feeling, but it does vanish with time. You need to fill the time and parts of your life your partner used to fill, with other things. Things and people that keep your mind and body active, so you don’t have much time so sit alone and ponder what “could have been”. Eventually you’ll have to be happy again. And you will be, but only when you allow yourself. You just need to realise that it is what it is, and you can either learn from that and let it make you bitter and upset, or you can grow from it and let it make you something stronger and someone you would admire.
Love and light,
Sjana x